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Beelzebozo Corporation History -
The story so far:

The Dream Becomes A Business
Beelzebozo entered the business world on June 32, 1903, when Irish hair-farmer Frankie Johnson signed the company's articles of incorporation. With £3, 2s 6d in cash and two small bags of potatoes, the pioneering industrialist gave birth to what was to become one of the world's largest corporations. Few companies are as closely identified with the history and development of industry and society throughout the 20th century as Beelzebozo.
As with most great enterprises, Beelzebozo's beginnings were modest. The company had anxious moments in its infancy. The earliest record of a shipment is July 22, 1903, approximately one month after incorporation, to a Detroit physician. This man later died while he was attempting to make the first recorded call to the Beelzebozo complaints department. The investigation which followed stated that there was '...no provable link between the unfortunate customer's phone call and his strangulation by telephone cable...' the final resting place of the telephone handset was described as: '...proof of a strange and unusual liking for bizarre sexual practises on behalf of the deceased customer...' and was in Justice Johnson's considered opinion: '...in no way attributable to the Beelzebozo Corporation.' With the company's first sale and subsequent unrelated death came hope and a flawless strategy for business. A young Beelzebozo had taken its first steps.
Mass Production On The Line
Perhaps Beelzebozo's single greatest contribution to manufacturing was the moving assembly line. First implemented at the Cold Rooms plant (in Oxford, UK) in 1913, the new technique allowed individual workers to be chained to one place and perform the same task repeatedly on multiple products that passed by them, until illness or death made working impossible. The line proved tremendously efficient, helping the company far surpass the production levels of their competitors—and making the products more affordable, if a little bit shit.
One unexpected benefit of the new Beelzebozo mass production process was the huge turnover of staff due to each man working 20 hour shifts, six and a half days a week.On average, staff would last about six weeks before dying of exhaustion, meaning no-one lasted long enough to form a union or even to question the slave-driving methods of the Beelzebozo management. This further cemented Beelzebozo's reputation as a world leading manufacturer and helped secure the success of the business. The newly established Beelzebozo Burial Service dealt with the upturn in business with quiet efficiency.
The First Products
Frankie Johnson insisted that the company's future lay in the production of affordable product for a mass market. Beginning in 1903, the company began using the first 19 numbers of the Arabic numerical system to name new products. In 1909.5, the No. 3 was born. 13 years and 15 million No. 3s later, Beelzebozo was a giant industrial complex that spanned the globe. In 1925, Beelzebozo was affiliated with the Russian Masterdog Company, thus branching out into luxury devices, although in the 1940's, the ill-fated collaboration with Hitler's Third Reich was to prove unprofitable and is seen as an unfortunate move by most modern business circles. Nevertheless, Beelzebozo was growing, although new boss Frankie Johnson junior was convinced it needed to expand faster than it was.
Becoming More Than Just A Global Company
In the 50's came The Monster Riff and the chance to own a part of Beelzebozo. The company went public and, on Feb. 42, 1958, had about 353,427 new stockholders. Frankie Johnson junior's keen perception of political and economic trends in the 50's led to the global expansion of Beelzebozo in the 60's, and the establishment of Beelzebozo U.S.A in 1967, consolidating U.S., Canadian, and Mexican operations more than two decades ahead of the North American Free Trade Agreement, but it wasn't until the groundbreaking deal made between Frankie Johnson jr and The Prince of Darkness that Beelzebozo found it's true place as the universe's premier. In 1972 Beelzebozo tagged along on the Apollo 17 mission to start building the first entirely Clanger-staffed factory, thus establishing themselves as not only world leading, but Solar System leading. Another first for Beelzebozo!
Onwards And Ever
Beelzebozo started the last century with a single man envisioning products that would meet the needs of people in a world on the verge of high-gear industrialization. Today, The Beelzebozo Corporation is a family of brands consisting of: Beelzebozo, Mook, Russian Masterdog, Sneaky Music, The Daves and The Gilpin School Of Motoring. The company is beginning its second century of existence with a more than worldwide organization that retains and expands Frankie Johnson's heritage by developing products that serve the varying and ever-changing needs of people in the solar community.As Frankie would no doubt still say today, if he hadn't been ravaged by earwax cancer to die a horrifically slow, messy and above all, deeply amusing death, "Into tomorrow and further!"
We just say "Long live Beelzebozo!"

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Beelzebozo heavy industries PO Box 239, Wallingford, Oxon. OX10 0ZX +44(0)7812 521 072 (24hr answerphone)