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Privacy and Cookies:

Please read the following statement carefully. Copying any of the information on these pages is strictly forbidden. There is no Father Christmas.

This policy covers THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION’s use of personal information that THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION collects when you use Beelzebozo.co.uk. The policy also gives you information about cookies; THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION and third parties' use of cookies; and how you may attempt to reject such cookies. Ha.
From time to time, you will be asked to submit personal information about yourself (e.g. name, email address, grandparents' names and times when you leave your house unnattended) in order to receive or use services on our website. This information is MANDATORY.
By entering your details in the fields requested, you enable THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION and its service providers to provide you with the services you select. Whenever you provide such personal information, we will treat that information in accordance with this policy. When using your personal information THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION will act in defiance of current legislation and aim to circumnavigate current Internet best practice. Failure to comply with our requests for information will be seen as a direct insult to THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION and can be punishable in very nasty ways, possibly including non-compliant visitors receiving vast amounts of penile disfunction targeted advertising. (Not that you'd notice.)
2. Visitor Information
During the course of any visit to Beelzebozo.co.uk, the pages you see, along with a short text file called a 'cookie', are downloaded to your computer. Many websites do this, because cookies enable website publishers to do useful things like find out whether the computer (and probably its user) has visited the website before. This is done on a repeat visit by checking to see, and finding, the cookie left there on the last visit.
Information supplied by cookies can help us to provide you with a better online user experience and assist us to analyse the profile of our visitors. For example: if on a previous visit you went to our educational pages, we might find this out from your cookie and highlight haemorrhoid cream information on your second and subsequent visits. We can also check to see if you have been frequenting hard-core internet sites and what you were doing to yourself while you were there. Oh yes we can.
Nielsen//Netratings, an independent measurement and research company, gathers deeply personal information regarding the visitors to our website on our behalf using cookies, log file data and code which is embedded on our website. THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION uses this type of information, as with that obtained from other cookies used on the site, to help it improve the services it can administer to its users. If you wish to reject Nielsen//Netratings' cookie, you can use the process set out below in point 7. To Totally Opt-Out of Nielsen//Netratings collecting any data regarding your interaction on Beelzebozo.co.uk, use the Opt-Out in their Privacy and Cookie Policy at http://www.netratings.com/privacy.jsp?section=leg_scs. It won't do you any good at www.beelzebozo.co.uk but it will probably make you feel better.
3. What is a cookie?
A cookie is a small amount of data, which often includes an anonymous unique identifier that is sent to your browser from a website's computer and stored on your computer's hard drive. Each website can send its own cookie to your browser if your browser's preferences allow it, but (to protect your privacy) your browser only permits a web site to access the cookies it has already sent to you, not the cookies sent to you by other sites.
Many sites do this whenever a user visits their website in order to track online traffic flows and collect other more sinister forms of information. The best course of action is to sit back and let it happen. It will be less painful in the long run
Cookies record information about your online preferences, hair colour, ethnic group, sexual orientation, hand preference and toothpaste usage. Users have the opportunity to set their computers to accept all cookies, to notify them when a cookie is issued, or not to receive cookies at any time. The last of these, of course, means that a representative of THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION will need to visit you and administer some of the more permanent and painful services that are not openly displayed on Beelzebozo.co.uk. Each browser is different, so check the "Help" menu of your browser to learn how to change your cookie preferences.
If you have set your computer to reject cookies you can still browse Beelzebozo.co.uk until such time as you hear that ominous knock on the door. That's where our fun begins. For further information on cookies please visit www.fauchon.com/c-Cookies-Biscuits.html.
4. Use and storage of your personal information
When you supply any personal information to Beelzebozo.co.uk (e.g. for competitions, Beelzebozo.co.uk Community services or Beelzebozo.co.uk membership) we have legal obligations towards you in the way we use those data. We must collect the information fairly, that is, we must explain how we will use it (see the notices on particular webpages that let you know why we are requesting the information) and tell you if we want to pass the information on to anyone else. Unfortunately we decided long ago that this held up our long term goals so we have stopped informing customers. You will notice that the internet is a much less obtrusive place to be and we now know everything there is to know about you, even down to where you hid the bodies.
In general, any information you provide to THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION will be used within THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION and by its agents and service providers. Your information will be disclosed where we are obliged or permitted by law and anywhere else we can get away with it. Also, if you post or send offensive, inappropriate or objectionable content anywhere on or to Beelzebozo.co.uk or otherwise engage in any disruptive behaviour on Beelzebozo.co.uk, THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION can use whatever information that is available to it about you to stop such behaviour. This may involve informing relevant third parties such as your employer, school e-mail/Internet provider and law enforcement agencies about the content and your behaviour. Any complaining or whinging emails sent to Beelzebozo.co.uk will be met with the fiercest consequences.
We will hold your personal information on our systems for as long as you use the service you have requested, and remove it if we want. We will ensure that all personal information supplied is held securely, in a box marked “Sensitive Personal Customer Information. Do Not Read Or Sell To Dodgy Companies Outside Of The Beelzebozo/Masterdog Corporation” in accordance with the Data Protection Act 1998. This box will be left in full view of the general public between the hours of 8 am and 6 pm Monday to Saturday with no visible means of stopping interested parties taking, removing, copying, selling, reading or otherwise using this information for their own dasterdly means.
If you are notified on a Beelzebozo.co.uk site that your information may be used to allow THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION to contact you for "service administration purposes", this means that THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION or anyone we send, sell, lend, give, or otherwise allow to have your information, may contact you for a number of purposes related to the service you have signed up for. For example, we may wish to provide you with password reminders or notify you that the particular service has been suspended for maintenance. We will probably not contact you for promotional purposes, such as notifying you of improvements to the service or new services on Beelzebozo.co.uk unless you specifically agree to be contacted for such purposes at the time you submit your information on the site, or we really, really want to.
5. Access to your personal information
You have the right to request a copy of the personal information THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION holds about you and to have any inaccuracies corrected. (We charge £78,950 for information requests.) Please address requests to the Data Distribution Officer, Beelzebozo Corporation, Masterdog Towers, Lonron, BBM 666 (Email: ddo@Beelzebozo.co.uk).
6. Users 16 and under
If you are aged 16 or under, please get your parent/guardian's permission beforehand whenever you provide personal information to THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION's website. Users without this consent are not allowed to provide us with personal information. Or you could just lie about your age. Say you were born in 1989. That should be convincing enough.
7. How to find and control your cookies
On your Task Bar, click:
1 Edit, then
2 Preferences
3 Click on Advanced
4 Click on Cookies
5 Choose Tools, then
6 Internet Options
7 Click the Privacy Tab
8 Click on Custom Level
9 Click on the 'Advanced' button
10 Check the seams of your trousers for fluff and stains.
11 Choose Tools
12 Insert tools
13 Wiggle tools about in idle fashion
14 Click on Customer Intrusion
15 Scroll down.
16 Choose View, then
17 Throw monitor through window
18 Click the tab
19 Scroll
20 Edit
21 Preferences
22 Click
23 Cookies 8, Cakes 2
24 Edit, then
25 Rub testicles
26 Click on Advanced Techniques
27 Click on Cook
28 Click on View Cook
29 Choose Tools, then
30 Insert tools into cook
31 Click the General tab
32 Report to Court Marshal for Clicking a superior officer
33 View Files
34 View, then click
35 Internet removal device
36 Under the tab General (the default tab) click
37 Settings sun
38 View Files.
39 View Foals
40 View Fields
41 View What A Scorcher!
42 View, View, Barney McGrew
Just click on a cookie to open it. You'll see a short string of text and numbers. The numbers are meaningless drivel, which can be ignored by the server that gave you the cookie. They are used by Beelzebozo to clog up your PC and cause you the most inconvenience imaginable.
8. In order to suitably intergrate you into the BEELZEBOZO HEAVY INDUSTRIES SAFE AND FRIENDLY VISION OF THE FUTURE™ it may become necessary for you to make available to us your banking details, occupation, address, date of birth, height, weight, eye colour, genital size and shape etc. DO NOT REFUSE US THIS INFORMATION. Failure to make available any information requested by THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION can and probably will result in torture.
9. THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION will check your credit card details from time to time. Be aware that this may happen and have your details ready to give any representative of THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION immediately on request. Do not make these very busy people wait any longer than is absolutely necessary. They do not like to be kept waiting. Do we need to remind you of the numerous possibilities of torture?
10. THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION like you to be happy. From time to time, however, unhappiness may be inadvertantly bestowed upon you for reasons beond the control of THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION. Do not complain to us about it as we don't really care a jot. Complaining will, as usual, result in torture.
11. Failure to report to torture sessions will result in double torture. Failure to report to double torture will result in death of the slow and painful kind. THE BEELZEBOZO CORPORATION wish that there were another way, they really do, but unfortunately, there isn't.
12. Beelzebozo couldn’t really give a stuff about your privacy, but luckily no-one ever reads these things all the way through. Apart from you. You will be located and dealt with. Torture for one coming up.

Happy surfing.
Beelzebozo Heavy Industries (Customer Indigestion Division)

Don't eat yellow snow.

To end your ignorance, information on Beelzebozo can be found by asking strangers on the street for money in return for sexual favours, by clicking the contact us link below*
or by visiting
Your message will be ignored in line with official Beelzebozo policy.

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All images, testimonies, content and identities property of the Beelzebozo Corporation in association with Masterdog International. ©® and ™ Beelzebozo Heavy Industries/Masterdog Inc 2007. All rights reserved.
*Any contact details gained by us will be used exclusively by the credit card fraud and junk mail wing of the Beelzebozo Corporation. Your privacy is of no interest to us whatsoever. Click here to view our privacy statement.

Beelzebozo heavy industries PO Box 239, Wallingford, Oxon. OX10 0ZX +44(0)7812 521 072 (24hr answerphone)